Friday, January 10, 2014

Who Is the Beholder?

It has been judged that I do not have a very good quality of life.  Because of this judgment, it has been judged that I should no longer exist. You read correctly.  It has been decided by other human beings that I should cease to breathe and that my body should be "dealt with".  No, I do not know how this will be done.  It is a very serious matter.

All very curious, is it not?  Are you asking questions?  What did I DO to warrant such a judgment?  Or maybe the question should be "what did I NOT do" to(deserve my existence coming to an end)?  Who are these individuals who have meted out this penalty for me?  Am I going to just simply accept this and succumb to it serenely?

Well, here is the situation.  I have an ingrown toenail.  It has rendered me completely and utterly useless.  Because of this ingrown toenail, I am unable to work and my body is now no longer perfect.  Up until that ingrown toenail, I was deemed perfect and useful.  I could do a lot of things. I was deemed a beautiful person.  I could work and help others.  The other humans look down on me now that my body is not like theirs and I cannot keep up with them.  I am no longer considered a beautiful person.   So I MUST  succumb to their desires now.  After all, I am a defective product.  I am no longer a resource.  Want to hear a dangerous thought though?  Psssst.  Do not mention this to anyone else!!!!   I heard that an ingrown toenail is NOT a permanent condition.  I KNOW.....right?  WILD!   AND.......I heard that it is treatable........SHHHHHHH.   It is most dangerous to suggest that maybe those other humans who want me dead could maybe reverse this decision.  After all, once I am gone, that is one less mouth to feed in this tiny, little world with very little food and very little water.  I would thwart this original plan to be one less problem of overpopulation.  Do you hear the planet gasping?

You have to understand that if I do not keep up my quota of work, I cannot justify my use of oxygen, space taken up or any resources used.  I MUST be able to prove myself worthy in other people's minds.  Oh, I know they are humans but do you not understand that that does not matter?  Who am I to add to this world?  This ingrown toenail is just proof enough that there was a huge mistake made in the cosmic scheme of things.  There must be an explanation and there must be perfection and here is another confession......in addition to the toenail catastrophe, (which, by the way is costing the federal government millions daily), I also have an unusual case of spasmodic movements.  They come and go when I swallow a lot of air or eat too fast.   They are called hiccups but I have been told that these things also take away from bodily perfection.  So you see, one by one, my body systems are failing rapidly and the sooner they get rid of me, the better.

I have been thinking long and hard about all this.  Ingrown toenails are very uncomfortable.  I do not like them but I still enjoy hearing my loved ones' voices.  For my glaring imperfection,  they still love me.  I still enjoy hearing music and seeing the light come into the window in the morning.  I still love my dog looking up at me with the expectant expression of receiving a treat.  I am thankful that for all the inconvenience of the ingrown toenail, I still enjoy the feel of the cat's fur as he brushes past my arm.  I will miss the taste of lemon bars, fresh blueberries and the smell of grapefruit and coffee.  I will miss my loved ones' jokes and goodnight kisses.

It is very tragic that it has come to this.  I really enjoyed life.  I was grateful for it.  I would love to stay longer but other humans have made the decision otherwise.   After all, they do know my suffering better than I do.  They are the experts at determining worth and value of my life.  I do have to look at this the way they do.....even IF the ingrown toenail were to be corrected.....what serious quality of life would I have?  That is just not up to me.  I have zero say.  What I think about my existence does not matter....my quality of life all depends on others......

JOB 38
Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said:
“Who is this who darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
Now prepare yourself like a man;
I will question you, and you shall answer Me.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements?
Surely you know!
Or who stretched the line upon it?
To what were its foundations fastened?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
“Or who shut in the sea with doors,
When it burst forth and issued from the womb;
When I made the clouds its garment,
And thick darkness its swaddling band;
10 When I fixed My limit for it,
And set bars and doors;
11 When I said,
‘This far you may come, but no farther,
And here your proud waves must stop!’
12 “Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
And caused the dawn to know its place,
13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
And the wicked be shaken out of it?
14 It takes on form like clay under a seal,
And stands out like a garment.
15 From the wicked their light is withheld,
And the upraised arm is broken.
16 “Have you entered the springs of the sea?
Or have you walked in search of the depths?
17 Have the gates of death been revealed to you?
Or have you seen the doors of the shadow of death?
18 Have you comprehended the breadth of the earth?
Tell Me, if you know all this.
19 “Where is the way to the dwelling of light?
And darkness, where is its place,
20 That you may take it to its territory,
That you may know the paths to its home?
21 Do you know it, because you were born then,
Or because the number of your days is great?
22 “Have you entered the treasury of snow,
Or have you seen the treasury of hail,
23 Which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
For the day of battle and war?
24 By what way is light diffused,
Or the east wind scattered over the earth?
25 “Who has divided a channel for the overflowing water,
Or a path for the thunderbolt,
26 To cause it to rain on a land where there is no one,
A wilderness in which there is no man;
27 To satisfy the desolate waste,
And cause to spring forth the growth of tender grass?
28 Has the rain a father?
Or who has begotten the drops of dew?
29 From whose womb comes the ice?
And the frost of heaven, who gives it birth?
30 The waters harden like stone,
And the surface of the deep is frozen.
31 “Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades,
Or loose the belt of Orion?
32 Can you bring out Mazzaroth[a] in its season?
Or can you guide the Great Bear with its cubs?
33 Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
Can you set their dominion over the earth?
34 “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
That an abundance of water may cover you?
35 Can you send out lightnings, that they may go,
And say to you, ‘Here we are!’?
36 Who has put wisdom in the mind?[b]
Or who has given understanding to the heart?
37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
Or who can pour out the bottles of heaven,
38 When the dust hardens in clumps,
And the clods cling together?
39 “Can you hunt the prey for the lion,
Or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
40 When they crouch in their dens,
Or lurk in their lairs to lie in wait?
41 Who provides food for the raven,
When its young ones cry to God,
And wander about for lack of food?

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